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Actualizado el 26 Apr, 2024 | Publicado el 26 Apr, 2024

How to overcome infidelity?

If you are dealing with an infidelity in your relationship, this article is for you.

I will share with you the 7 steps you must follow to overcome and face this difficult situation with more tools.

How to Overcome Infidelity: The 7 Key Questions

 

It’s worth noting that “how to overcome infidelity” in a relationship is one of the most searched phrases on Google. This is likely because infidelity is more common than we might think.

Some studies suggest it affects 30% of couples, while others estimate it to be as high as 70%, meaning it affects practically 3 out of every 4 couples.

Chances are, you don’t think it could happen to you until it does.

In my experience, a significant portion of the couples I consult with have experienced this type of betrayal. But, can it be overcome?

Let’s explore…

Although infidelity is quite common, for most people, it represents betrayal and deceit.

While it’s not always clear what constitutes infidelity and what doesn’t, it’s generally considered socially unacceptable or at least reproachable behavior.

From the couples I’ve seen over the past 20 years, they generally fall into three main groups:

  • First, there are couples for whom adultery means the end of the relationship. A line has been crossed that cannot be undone. Infidelity leads to a definitive breakup.
  • Then, there are couples who don’t separate but fail to overcome this wound. Some grow distant, and their relationship gradually deteriorates until they either break up or lead parallel lives. Others become entrenched in conflict, distrust, constant control, and, as you can imagine, live with a great deal of suffering, guilt, and remorse…
  • Finally, there are couples who manage to overcome infidelity and even strengthen their relationship. How do they do it? How do they overcome infidelity? It’s not easy, but I’ll tell you the 7 steps you should follow if both of you are convinced that fighting for your relationship is the best option.

If you prefer, you can skip directly to the video. Press play and don’t miss it. If you enjoy reading more, feel free to continue.

 

** Although I speak Spanish in the video, you can use Youtube subtitles to follow its content **

 

 

How to Overcome Infidelity: The 7 Key Questions You Should Ask Yourself

 

1. Who are you going to tell?

 

You may feel the need to talk about what has happened. Sharing and talking can be really helpful for venting and receiving expressions of support and solidarity.

However, consider carefully who you are going to talk to.

I’ve seen more than once how, driven by anger, some people air it indiscriminately. For example:

  • Do you really think your children should know?
  • Or your parents? Or your partner’s parents?
  • Your coworkers? Neighbors? Friends?…

Keep in mind that the shock of what you have just discovered can lead you to act impulsively.

Once the initial storm has passed, you will decide whether it still makes sense to continue your relationship.

And if you decide that it does and you’ve told everyone, it won’t just be you who has to turn the page.

Your children, parents, siblings, in-laws, friends, neighbors… will also have to do it, and this can be really complicated.

 

2. Do you really need to know everything?

 

If you’ve just discovered the infidelity, it’s likely that questions will pile up in your head:

  • Why did it happen?
  • How could you not have noticed?
  • Since when has it been happening?
  • Is it really the first time?
  • What does this person have that I don’t?
  • What have they done? When have they done it? How many times? How?
  • Did your partner enjoy it more than with you?
  • Why? Why? Why?…

The need to subject your partner to an interrogation is highly likely. Generally, the cheating person accepts these question sessions because they also need to explain themselves and because guilt is very present. It’s an understandable need, but I recommend limiting it in time.

You can’t spend months and months asking for details because each new piece of information you discover is likely to be very painful for you. Give yourself some time and after this period, leave behind the investigation to focus on overcoming it.

3. How do you feel?

 

Emotional management routesBeyond all the feelings that have been awakened, you are surely riding an emotional rollercoaster. Sadness, anger, shock, helplessness, pain, despair, disappointment… Each person experiences it in their own way depending on the moment in life, beliefs, previous experiences…

Give space to all these emotions, don’t suffocate them or deny them. You’ve received a strong blow and you need to digest it slowly. You don’t have to overcome it in two days, and your feelings are legitimate; respect them and give them space.

 

4. Does time heal all wounds?

 

This is one of the advice you will hear most often. Relax, time heals all wounds. And it’s true that the intensity of the emotions you will experience at the beginning will soften over time.

But time can’t be the only medicine. Finding meaning in what happened will help you a lot, as will your partner acknowledging what happened. Along with this, the commitment to both fight for your relationship and all the work to rebuild trust will guide you through overcoming it.

 

5. How do you stop your mind? Try not to feed obsessive thoughts

 

I know of cases of people so affected that they have lost their appetite, can’t sleep, and can’t stop thinking about it. If, after the first few days, you find that you can’t get it out of your head, consider the possibility of seeking help. It’s a tough time, very tough, but you can’t lose your health and balance.

There are things that can help you, and surely you know better than anyone what works best for you when you have a great concern. Talking helps, sports too, distracting yourself, listening to someone who has a big problem, taking care of your family… Find a way to put a brake on your anguish so that you can make decisions clearly.

 

6. Why do you think your partner has been unfaithful?

 

It’s time for you to consider why you think your partner has been unfaithful.

  • Do you think it’s part of their personality and that they will cheat on you again?
  • Have you noticed any problems in your relationship?
  • Do you think that he or she has a problem, or do you think that both of you have some difficulty as a couple?
  • Have there been taboo topics between you for a long time?

If you come to the conclusion that your partner has an individual problem, you will have to trust that they see it the same way you do and seek help. Otherwise, it will be very difficult for you to overcome it because you will fear a repeat. Rebuilding trust will be very difficult.

And conversely, if you believe that infidelity may be the result of a combination of factors that you have been experiencing as a couple and individually, then you will have to find the formula together to overcome it.

 

 

7. Forget? Forgive? Overcome

 

 

A few days ago, a patient in my office asked me, “What do I do with this experience I’ve had? Do I forget it? Do I forgive? Do I overcome it?” It’s obvious that forgetting it is not possible. Our brains are not designed to erase what we don’t like.

Overcoming and forgiving go hand in hand, but you may need your time, and your partner must understand that.

What your partner is willing to do to help you in the process will be key for you to regain trust. Their willingness to acknowledge the transgression, their attempts to regain your trust, their patience, dedication, commitment… All of these cards will need to be laid out on the table.

 

 

Recap: How to Successfully Overcome Infidelity?

 

In summary, there are two main questions you should ask yourselves, exactly in this order:

  1.  How will you repair the damage caused by infidelity? and
  2. Why do you think it happened?

As I mentioned earlier, some couples manage to overcome infidelity without help and even strengthen their relationship. But if you feel that this is not your case, seek help.

It’s really worth understanding what happened, each assuming their part of the responsibility. It’s about making the best decisions and finding the best solutions for your family. Don’t let time pass as the relationship deteriorates, and take action from today.

Remember, this is a topic where I can help you; you just need to click here to contact me and get started.

If you’ve read this article and have experienced infidelity, share your experience with us. Your contributions can surely be very helpful, so feel free to lend a hand to others who are currently going through this situation!

Want to keep reading?

 

On my blog, there are several articles about infidelity, how to face it, and how to overcome it. I think they can help you. My favorites are:

Don’t miss them because you’re sure to find some of the answers you’re looking for. Thanks for reading!

por Andrea Navarro Levy

por Andrea Navarro Levy

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